


Better Than I know Myself

by Shadowkat83



Series: Various Songfics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:01:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24903484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowkat83/pseuds/Shadowkat83
Summary: Summary: He had to make a choice; he didn't want to. The choice was between the two people he cared about the most: Cas and Sam. They both knew him so well but on different levels. How could he possibly go through with this?
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Various Songfics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871200
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Better Than I know Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Mac on Discord for beta this fic and those on Profound Bound Discord for helping me finish it.

Better Than I Know Myself

\--Dean--

Dean stood facing Castiel across the war room table, none of the conflict showing in his expression as he tried to decide what to do. It had been made perfectly clear, if he wanted to help Sam, he needed to send Cas away. But Dean was reluctant to send his angel too far from him, no matter how he acted nowadays.

_Cold as ice  
And more bitter than a December  
Winter night  
That's how I treated you  
And I know that I  
I sometimes tend to loose my temper  
And I cross the line  
Yeah that's the truth_

Cas had walked out of the room some time ago, a dejected expression on his face, but Dean hadn't been paying attention. They had gotten into far too many fights lately, and Dean did his best to push the angel away. It was for Cas' own good. At least, that was what he kept telling himself. But in reality, Dean was scared: scared he couldn't protect the people he loved the most. And wasn't that a kick in the teeth; he loved Cas but had yet to tell him the depth of his feelings.

_I know it gets hard sometimes  
But I could never  
Leave your side  
No matter what I say  
'Cause if I wanted to go  
I would've gone by now but  
I really need you near me  
To keep my mind off the edge  
If I wanted to leave  
I would've left by now  
But you're the only one that knows me  
Better than I know myself_

\--Cas--

Cas walked through the hallway that led to his room, thinking over what had happened in the war room with Dean. He was lost in thoughts, mostly about what was going on with Dean. Something about that conversation wasn't sitting well with the angel. He knew that Dean would always put Sam's safety first. He had come to accept that, but still...something felt off. Emotions went through his mind one after another before settling on resignation. He still felt invisible to Dean sometimes, thought that there was more to them than this, but the constant fights were starting to wear him down. It was starting to look like he had a choice of his own to make as well.

_All along  
I tried to pretend it didn't matter  
If I was alone  
Deep down I know  
If you were gone  
For even a day I wouldn't know which way to turn  
'Cause I'm lost without you_

\--Dean--

Dean let out a heavy sigh as he collapsed back into the chair behind him. He went over the fights and Cas' reactions to them in his head, trying to figure out what to do next. It was hard though, because if he was on the other side of those arguments, it would be only a matter of time before it got to be too much, and that reaction was the one he was the most afraid of; Cas leaving him/them. He needed the angel here, but he had to put his brother's safety first. Sam was his responsibility. Personal feeling had to come last no matter how much it hurt.

_I know it gets hard sometimes  
But I could never  
Leave your side  
No matter what I say_

_'Cause if I wanted to go  
I would've gone by now  
But I really need you near me  
To keep my mind off the edge  
If I wanted to leave  
I would've left by now  
But you're the only one that knows me  
Better than I know myself_

\--Cas--

After thinking things through Cas came to a decision. He would abide by Dean's wishes and leave, no matter how much it hurt. Looking around the room he called his for the longest time, he couldn't help but reminisce about the times he shared with his hunter and his brother. That was what was making this decision so hard. His feelings for his hunter had changed long ago from friends to more, but he knew Dean didn't feel the same, so he never spoke of them. And now it seemed like he would never get a chance too.

Taking one last look around his room Cas turned a left, closing the door behind him. He then made his way towards the exit of the bunker, pausing just long enough by the war room to check on Dean.

_I get kind of dark  
Let it go to far  
I can be obnoxious at times  
But try and see my heart  
'Cause I need you now  
So don't let me down  
You are the only thing in this world  
I would die without_

_'Cause if I wanted to go  
I would've gone by now but  
I really need you near me  
To keep my mind off the edge  
If I wanted to leave  
I would've left by now  
But you're the only one that knows me  
Better than I know myself_

\--Dean--

Dean looked up just in time for his green eyes to meet Cas' blue ones. He saw resignation in them and new that the decision that he had been dreading had been made. Cas was leaving the bunker, leaving him and it was all his fault. If only he had the courage to speak about what was going on....

He paused at that thought, maybe there was a chance that it wasn't too late after all. Filled with new determination, he pushed himself to his feet and made his way over to his angel

“Cas, wait,” he called softly. The angel remained still as Dean slowly approached him. “Look, this isn't easy for me to say.... but you deserve more that the way that I have been treating you lately. You deserve to know why I've been the way I have.” Dean paused, trying to come up with the words to say what he needed to.

Cas tilted his head as he studied Dean, “Something has been bothering you, but why won't you let me help?”

Dean sighed, “It’s not that easy. They're making me choose; Sam's safety or you, but I can’t go through with it....

“ _'Cause if I wanted to go I would've gone by now but I really need you near me To keep my mind off the edge. If I wanted to leave I would've left by now But you're the only one that knows me Better than I know my self._ Don't you see Cas, telling you to leave is the last thing I want to do. I love you, but Sam's safety is my responsibility too....”

**Author's Note:**

> May add more parts/songs later


End file.
